We tagged alongto the Teddy Bear's Picnic, clutching Lucy and Giraffe. Despite being bearless we won a spot prize and had a wonderful time. It was so nice to see so many kids about from all over the Wairarapa, with parents and grandparents making the time to have a great day.

We've had some sunshine. Not quite enough to get the clothes dry, but enough to pretend that it's not winter just for a moment.

Miss H and I had a day together. Just the two of us, while the big kids went to the movies . We explored the garden. It seems that no matter what happens to the vegetable patch, there's always rhubarb and crumble to be had*. We admired the long grass and the way it feels between toes. We checked up on the bulbs that Grandma planted with the girls while I was away. It was just the right sort of weather for indulgent single child kind of time.




*That piece of rhubarb was cuddled for hours and didn't quite make the crumble. Don't tell H.

Before my children arrived, I was going to be perfect. My kids were going to be perfect*. I was going to walk around art galleries with my infant snuggled into their baby carrier, in all their knitted finery and then retire to a cafe for a well deserved coffee. I would sleep all night, and so would my children. They would wear nothing but perfectly matched, stylish handmade outfits. They would return from their adventures to an immaculate house and a home cooked meal. There would even be a fresh batch of brightly coloured play-dough to play with before their bath.

I quickly found this fantasy would take more energy than I imagined. The toys would be locked up for me to dish out when I saw fit. The play-dough would be for special occasions only (i.e. at other people’s houses) and getting dressed every day would be a battle. I know some people manage to make it work like that, but I just can’t. When all is said and done, I’m not even sure I’d want to.


My reality is quite different. I’ve let go of the magazine spread fantasy. I’ve admitted to myself that my children are both separate, and different from me. I don’t want my children vicariously living out my abandoned dreams. I’ve chosen to let the children explore for themselves with all the support I can provide. I want them to find their own dreams.

We don’t often walk around art galleries. It’s a matter of distance. My fridge is my gallery and it is always changing. We are currently being treated to our Picasso the Elder’s hands with fingers stage and Mondrian the Younger’s grids with colour. Days are punctuated by a need to draw, as desperate as the desire to breathe. The pencils and paper are always handy. They can be on the table before you can say “but it’s almost dinner time”.

The carefully matched outfits have gone out the window too, aided on their way by food related mishaps and a good dose of “No Mummy”. Dressing children is harder than I thought. On the flipside, hand sewn dresses are very useful. The little pull on smocks are great for covering grubby clothes just before leaving the house.


The home made playdough is probably the only item that survived the leap into reality. My kids have seen enough to know that making playdough means it is time to get the food colouring out and start stirring. You really don’t want to know about the time the elder decided to add the colouring herself (I didn’t even know she could reach it). However, I’m delighted that she knew what it was for. Making playdough is not so much a special occasion, but a necessity. There is always a homemade batch in the fridge.


Yes, there is a difference between the Mother I thought I would be, and the Mother I am. The Mother I want to be is calmer, more patient and relaxed than the one in the fantasies. Right now, that’s the one I’d rather be.

*Like any parent, I believe my children are wonderful. They are just as perfect as you and I – which is to say, not always.

We went camping with some sunlight, string, a bedspread and a touch of imagination.





I had aspired to sew up a tent (very Weekend Sewing) or even a medieval tent to hang from the trees. Somehow, I still haven't made the time. After rescuing this bed spread and letting the kids direct the building process, I'm wondering if I even need to.

In the middle of the muddle the smallest things become treasures. My crafting space is a mess and my garden is even more so. However, I never thought I would get so much pleasure out of some failed cabbages and a few stolen hours.


The garden has become an collection of when the sun shines..when the baby is asleep..when I have time. It is nearing summer and I have only the midwinter vegetables planted. The strawberry patch is a neglected space waiting for me to replace the hose that broke last summer. The cabbages were bitter after a long winter, so I let them go to seed and the smallest cabbage turned out to not be a cabbage after all.


The shape of the leaves gave it away and so I just left it there in the hopes that is wasn’t a cabbage. It is slowly being joined by some other stowaways from the same punnet of seedlings. I think I will leave them there.

For someone who claims to be a quilter, there doesn’t appear to be much of that going on either. The last quilt I finished was months ago. I’m certainly not one of those people who can churn out a new project every week, pour over the newest fabrics while buying up large or even stop still for long enough to write about it. I used to dream of having days on end to myself to simply sew, but now I’m happy for just two hours. They have become very precious to me.

Every Tuesday night I sneak out of the house and join the local quilting classes. With my machine and bag in the car I am off. Two hours of not worrying about who is a sleep and who isn’t. Two hours of just me, my machine and some great friends. With such small bites, it has taken me a while to get even one top finished, but would you believe that there are two? I think I will have to call these my Tuesday Sanity quilts.

The baby is awake again. I must dash back to the muddle, and the little treasure in my life, who is getting bigger all the time. I will save the quilts for another time but for now here is a peek.